Dutch Christmas
While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas
story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote
polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If
you’re bad, he leaves you coal. If you’re good and live in America,
he’ll give you just about anything you want. We tell our children to be
good and send them off to bed, where they lie awake, anticipating their
great bounty. A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate,
telling his children, “Listen, you might want to pack a few of your
things together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will
be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy
in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you to Spain, or
they might just pretend to kick you. We don’t know for sure, but we want
you to be prepared.” This is the reward for living in Holland. As a
child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around
and repeat it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized
drugs and prostitution–so what’s not to love about being Dutch?
– David Sedaris (Esquire, December 2002)
Dutch Rule!!!!
Anonymous
— June 2, 2004 @ 10:35 am
Nederlandse Trots!
Nicholas
— November 25, 2004 @ 3:35 pm
Ber! What is a Dutch? ah ha ha ha
Yer mom!
— December 3, 2004 @ 1:42 pm
Tch! If you live in America, you’ll get almost anything u want for christmas? I don’t think so! Shup up you dutch bastard!
Canadian Dude
— December 6, 2004 @ 9:41 am
go da dutch
dicker
— December 7, 2004 @ 5:05 pm
Americans ARE BETTER then DUTCH thank you and have a happy holiday.
Anonymous
— December 9, 2004 @ 8:37 am
dutch is cool
justin
— December 9, 2004 @ 12:25 pm
Bah, i think Pete should stuff u ALL IN SACKS and brg u to spain!
Screw you all
— December 20, 2004 @ 8:00 am
LOsers Suuck You Teard heads!!!
Dah Dude
— December 20, 2004 @ 10:10 am
Hey im American and i like dutch i think that they are really nice people. I think it is kool. We all have traditions dont get mad because yours is different than someone.
Wendy
— December 22, 2004 @ 6:47 pm
Get a Life
R.vonDwinglo
— December 25, 2004 @ 5:53 am
I am a Dutch- American. My great grandparents immagrated. It is different, but i have been told that story atleast once. It isn’t bad. I think it MAKES the children WANT to sleep. Sure worked for me.
half& half
— December 24, 2005 @ 2:29 pm
who wants a fat man to come to your house, eat all your food then leave you some dumpy little toy that falls apart the day after the warrenty expires any way. i’d much rather have some gang of black men come to my house and jump me while i sleep. i meen come on lets be seriouse!
I GOT A TIZZY
— January 17, 2006 @ 11:38 am
Rock on dutch
Dutchie
— December 13, 2007 @ 10:37 am
http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp12052004.shtml
nolandda
— December 13, 2007 @ 5:13 pm