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31 Jan 2012
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams
30 Jan 2012
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx
29 Jan 2012
The laws of science be a harsh mistress.
-- Bender Unit 22
28 Jan 2012
Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
27 Jan 2012
Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny.
-- Frank Zappa
26 Jan 2012
The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do' I typed it out. End of story.
-- Douglas Adams (on why "42" is The Answer...)
25 Jan 2012
The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely to be correct.
-- William of Occam
24 Jan 2012
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
-- George Orwell
23 Jan 2012
We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein
22 Jan 2012
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman
21 Jan 2012
Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
-- Emo Philips
20 Jan 2012
One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
-- Stephen Hawking (Black Holes & Baby Universes)
19 Jan 2012
People who think of videos as an art form are probably the same people who think Cabbage Patch Dolls are a revolutionary form of soft sculpture.
-- Frank Zappa
18 Jan 2012
Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race.
-- Albert Einstein
17 Jan 2012
There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.
-- Jack Handey
16 Jan 2012
As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.
-- Homer J. Simpson
15 Jan 2012
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
14 Jan 2012
I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-- Homer J. Simpson
13 Jan 2012
Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
-- Bertrand Russell
12 Jan 2012
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
11 Jan 2012
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
-- Vannevar Bush
10 Jan 2012
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- Alfred E. Newman
09 Jan 2012
Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
-- Martin Mull
08 Jan 2012
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-- Ralph Wiggum
07 Jan 2012
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
-- Jack Handey
06 Jan 2012
When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips
05 Jan 2012
It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
-- Jack Handey
04 Jan 2012
Mmmm, forbidden donut.
-- Homer J. Simpson
03 Jan 2012
My religion is to do good.
-- Thomas Paine
02 Jan 2012
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
-- James Thurber
This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE.. And he has ``VISA''!!