Presidential Stuff

Filed under: Politics — jac @ September 30, 2004 - 7:08 am

(via the DNRC newsletter)

The United States is having a presidential election involving a number of confusing things such as issues, platforms, and electoral votes. As a member of the DNRC, you know that this is an elaborate scheme concocted by the Founding Fathers to protect voters from the embarrassing realization that they always elect the candidate with the best hair.

Democracy might have some rough edges, but it’s still the best system in the world. If you don’t believe it, here are some true quotes overheard from the citizens who will help decide which leader should have the nuclear launch codes:

“If there was a rainbow at night, how would you know it was there?”

“Just because he’s our landlord doesn’t mean he owns the place.”

“Wasn’t bronchitis a dinosaur?”

“All old people should be shot at birth.”

“I know that area of town like the back of my head.”

The biggest issue this election is something called flip-flopping, and all candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a brain tumor. When presidents do it, it’s called leadership, and frankly, we can’t get enough of it.

Tip: Place your houseplants in front of the television during the next presidential debate and watch how leafy they get.

This election the decision is especially difficult because it pits a sitting president who started a war in order to find things that don’t exist, versus an ugly guy. I don’t think I’m alone in saying I’m not totally comfortable with either choice.

– Scott Adams