Republican National Convention Schedule
(via email)
| 6:00pm | – | Opening prayer |
| 6:15pm | – | Supplementary opening prayer |
| 6:30pm | – | Prayer in thanks of first two prayers |
| 6:45pm | – | Summary of administration’s energy policy (presented by Exxon) |
| 7:00pm | – | Canonization of Reagan |
| 7:15pm | – | Additional prayers |
| 7:30pm | – | Opening remarks (presented by Halliburton) |
| 8:00pm | – | Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay |
| 8:15pm | – | Additional remarks (presented by Halliburton) |
| 8:30pm | – | Stoning of the first homosexual |
| 8:45pm | – | New healthcare polices (presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente) |
| 9:00pm | – | Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA) |
| 9:15pm | – | Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party |
| 9:30pm | – | Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as “the quads” |
| 9:45pm | – | Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan |
| 10:00pm | – | Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr., tells him to go f*ck himself |
| 10:15pm | – | Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.) |
| 10:30pm | – | Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin |
| 10:45pm | – | Dancing around the golden calf |
| 11:00pm | – | Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual |
| 11:15pm | – | New forestry policy (presented by Weyerhauser) |
| 11:45pm | – | Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president |
| 12:00pm | – | Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am) |
| 2:00am | – | Hookers arrive for all delegates |
Republican Convention Schedule
No party that can even be caricatured this way will ever get my vote….
none
Turquoise Waffle Irons in the Back Yard has the event schedule for the RNC; it’s “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” meets “The 700 Club”. Who says the Neo-Cons don’t know how to party???