While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas
story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote
polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If
you’re bad, he leaves you coal. If you’re good and live in America,
he’ll give you just about anything you want. We tell our children to be
good and send them off to bed, where they lie awake, anticipating their
great bounty. A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate,
telling his children, “Listen, you might want to pack a few of your
things together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will
be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy
in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you to Spain, or
they might just pretend to kick you. We don’t know for sure, but we want
you to be prepared.” This is the reward for living in Holland. As a
child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around
and repeat it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized
drugs and prostitution–so what’s not to love about being Dutch?
– David Sedaris (Esquire, December 2002)
