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Archive of posts filed under the Quotes category.

Quote of the Day

The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.
-- Bertrand Russell

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April 15

Will you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago! – Homer J. Simpson

HAL’s Birthday

Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you. — HAL 9000 (2001: A [...]

So, shall I begin the Christmas story?

Absolutely, as long as it’s not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land. — from Black Adder’s Christmas Carol

Happy Holidays

Christmas is an awfulness that compares favorably with the great London plague and fire of 1665-66. No one escapes the feelings of mortal dejection, inadequacy, frustration, loneliness, guilt and pity. No one escapes feeling used by society, by religion, by friends and relatives, by the utterly artificial responsibilities of extending false greetings, sending banal cards, [...]

War on Christmas

Every time you say “Happy Holidays,” an angel gets AIDS.– Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Dutch Christmas

While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If you’re bad, he leaves you coal. If you’re good and live in America, he’ll give you just about [...]

MySpace

“I was just over at Myspace. What a shitty, filthy neighborhood that has become. Street performers, hookers and runaways everywhere.” — Marc Maron (via Twitter)

You Twit Face

In the year 3000, Youtube,Twitter and Facebook will merge to form one super time-wasting website called YouTwitFace. – Conan O’Brien Someone has already registered: youtwitface.com youtwitface.net youtwitface.org Damn…

Going Galt

(via email)

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2009/03/ephemera-2009-7.html