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Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.
— HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)
Karl Urban should really play Elgin Clark in a remake of Night of the Lepus…
In honor of Martin Scorsese’s birthday, here’s dinner in prison, from Goodfellas:
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Because nothing says Thanksgiving like a Planet of the Apes movie marathon…
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First – via Satellite News:
Beginning November 5th, BBI will be launching its very own website at MST3K.com. The site will feature brand-new animated adventures of Crow, Tom Servo and Gypsy. We’re told the goal is to have one new adventure each week (though “some settling may occur with shipping,” they added). The Web site will also feature work from the original series (which BBI is now calling “the legacy series”), behind-the-scenes footage and other material culled from the BBI vault.
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The new adventures of the ‘bots are being produced by BBI President, MST3K series writer and the returning voice of Gypsy, Jim Mallon. He will be joined on this new experiment by veteran MST3K series writer and performer Paul Chaplin (who will be on the writing team and will be providing the voice of Crow) along with new writing and performing talent.
Second – via Cinematic Titanic:
It’s been just amazing the last few years: what with MST3K being honored as a top 25 science fiction show and top 25 “cult” show by TV Guide, and, most notably, in September being listed as one of the “Top One Hundred TV Shows Ever” by TIME – whew! Never saw it coming. Even mo-better are the really nice people that I’ve met who’ve had, and still have, great experiences watching horrendously great movies along with me and my funny friends. Thanks for mentioning it, thanks for keeping the dream alive, and thanks for buying the DVDs. It’s all been strange and mysterious and lovely, and it makes me want to do it all over again. And now, almost 20 years later, I am. I’ve decided, in collaboration with the other bold souls who “started it all,” to do a new project that is strong enough for our diehard audience, and also gentle and easy to swallow for those that are new to movie riffing. Wait for it….wait for it…. meet Cinematic Titanic!
It’s going to be powered by the original cast of MST3K! Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein and yours truly, along with some friends who came along later to make the show great: the beloved Frank Conniff and the scathingly brilliant Mary Jo Pehl.
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Happy Halloween,
Joel Hodgson
Cool!
This one ranks right up there with The Truth about Tom Bombadil.
Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?
- Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?
- Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?
- Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?
- Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?
- Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?
- How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?
- Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?
- How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?
Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? We report, you decide. 
Looks like Michael J. Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy are back…
MST3k reunion!:
…the Film Crew reteams for a series of DVDs launching this July from Shout Factory! Each volume will feature this trio of wits as they struggle to make sense – or nonsense, more likely – from a different psychotronic classic. Which movie gets the Film Crew treatment is entirely up to you. Well, not you specifically, but you collectively, as a special voting booth has been set up at FilmCrewOnline.com where you can vote for your favorite feature. You don’t even have to be 18, or a US citizen – it’s anarchy!
(via Satellite News)
1966: The movie shown in episode 424- MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE premieres in El Paso, Texas. Several of the cast members, appalled at the final product, slink out of the theater in the dark before the movie ends.
Several of the cast members, appalled at the final product, slink out of the theater in the dark before the movie end. — A sure sign that Hal Warren should have stuck to selling fertilizer.
(via My Boring Ass Life)
A Dick in a Mustache is Still Just a Dick:
So last night, at a press screening of “Clerks II” in New York City, “Good Morning America” movie critic Joel Siegel decided he’d had enough of my shenanigans, and walked out of the flick at the forty minute mark. You’d imagine this would bother me, and yet, I’m as delighted by this news as I was with the eight minute standing ovation “Clerks II” received in Cannes.
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You never… NEVER disrupt a movie, simply because you don’t like it.
Cardinal rule of movie-going: shut your fucking mouth while the movie’s playing. They even ask you to do so in the pre-show run-up to every flick (”Cell phones and pagers off, no talking during the show”). This guy went beyond talking, even; he was making a spectacle of himself as he left. I’ve now spoken to three folks in attendance last night, and all have said that Siegel WANTED everyone to know how disgusted he was, and that he was leaving. If you want to share your displeasure with everyone, that’s fine, dude; just do it AFTER the movie, not during. Some folks were enjoying themselves. I don’t come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like “‘Shark Tale’ Is a Halibut Good Time”; so don’t fuck with my stuff WHILE IT’S STILL SCREENING.
A note to film critics: If you don’t like a movie, at least watch the whole damn thing before writing your crappy review. Also, if you go to a Kevin Smith film, don’t be surprised if you end up seeing a Kevin Smith film. What did Joel Siegel expect?
Ask me the DIFFERENCE between PHIL SILVERS and ALEXANDER HAIG!!
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