Yet Another Web Site

(via email)

Q:	How many Microsoft tech support people dies it take to change a light bulb?
A:	Four: One to ask “What is the registration number of the light bulb? ” One to ask “Have you tried rebooting it? ” Another to ask “Have you tried reinstalling it? ” And the last one to say “It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine… ”
Q:	How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
Q:	How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q:	How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	We just determine that the room is dark; we don’t actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.
Q:	How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call before 2PM, and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.
Q:	How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	One. But he’ll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.
Q:	How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q:	How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
Q:	How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A:	He holds the bulb in place and lets the world revolve around him.

(printed by fortune in one of my terminal windows today)

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

(via email)

The Answer is TEN:

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
   
   
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
   
   
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
   
   
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;
   
   
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
   
   
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner ‘Bulb Accomplished’;
   
   
7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally ‘in the dark’ the whole time;
   
   
8. One to viciously smear No. 7;
   
   
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
   
   
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

(printed by fortune in one of my terminal windows today)

Q:

How many crew members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A:

Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he’ll immediately claim that he’s a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he “canna” see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives’ from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

(stolen from William Gibson)

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

– John Cleese

(stolen from Brad DeLong)

Q: How does George W. Bush change a lightbulb?

A: John Kerry says that the light bulb needs to be changed. Flip-flopper. We do not need to change the lightbulb! We need to stay the course!

(via Musings of a Philosophical Scrivener….)

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb?

The Answer is SEVEN:

1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced
2. one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,
3. one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,
4. one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,
5. one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,
6. one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,
7. and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

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